I do admit having made questionable decisions which only solidified the above. Even these decisions seemed like Kismet. I did not know any better at the time, could not have known, did not have anyone in life to mentor me in the right direction and 1000 and 1 other factors outside of my control.

I'm much harsher on myself than you are on yourself, to an extent.

Everyone's responsibility is to learn better and to know better before needing to use that knowledge. That's my response to the notion that nobody told you and you had no mentors. Join the friggin' club.

I beat myself up for being silly about entering some tasks w/o devoting any study or contemplation to whether it was a good idea to begin with.

I posit this is more the cause of these unstated difficulties that you cite.

I don't dodge responsibility and claim that bad destiny caused me to make shitty decisions.

Because avoiding the responsibility for learning and growth means that one keeps fucking up and making up excuses to exonerate one's shitty judgement.