Platitude, man. You guys have no idea.

It's a long story extending over 20+ years that I have documented fully here. I've had everything come at me from all directions - family attacks + obligations to support a family member + absolute shit career direction. With people (family, customers, co-workers) randomly demeaning me.

I've lived in constant stomach twisting stress off and on for the last 30 years in some way. Maybe 40-50% of the time. Usually my family, and specifically one brother, have constantly attacked me for stating the truth.

Right now I'm not feeling much stress. They have me on an anti anxiety med that is working well without making me tired. The last episode that may have triggered AFIB was getting my oldest brother, who is demon possessed with dementia, to be moved to a new nursing home that doesn't have bags of feces sitting in the hallways on the weekend. He fought me and I almost keeled over then.

Fuck him. He's 82 and he never had to have a pacemaker.

Oh, and let me tell you guys one other thing that happened last week.

I got released on a Saturday. Nice day, wife came and got me.

Sunday was chill; we canned salsa. I saw no warning signs.

The next day I found her in a small pool of blood in her room while I was doing other things in the house. She had cut herself. First time ever. Seemed to be some guilt regret thing for my heart issues.

I called EMS. They arrived with sirens. And took her to the worst regional hospital in my area.

The hospital basically completely firewalled me and would not let me talk to her or disclose any information to me. I had to ride home in an Uber. The hospital was so fucking ghetto that she was released with a brown paper grocery bag to hold her papers and possessions - not the drawstring plastic bag that hospitals in civilized areas use.

So I'm all alone at the house, after somewhat major surgery and diagnosis involving my heart, with no one else in the house. I call the hospital and cycle through idiots that sound like they're on meth. And not one fucking neighbor available to help. And no family willing to drive here and hang out with me within 500 miles.

Two days later they released her. She's now going to a therapist to get guidance on working on her anxiety and guilt issues.

I don't believe this is a new pattern. She was afraid of her world collapsing without me.

And that happened a week ago Monday. Two days after I Was released from the hospital.

So, tell me how I can improve my reaction to events after all that.

I've had the worst fucking adult life of anyone I know who is not completely paralyzed.