First, my respect and sympathies.

Secondly, a fixit suggestion: would you be open to Thanksgiving dinner if it were structured like a pot luck? Spread the work around and you can graciously supply the venue with after dinner clean up and dishwasher support? (Or do you not really want to even do that now?) It just seems like "Jo cooks"/"Jo doesn't cook" is an artificial duality. Unless you literally don't even want to supply the table and the house.

If not, they would be on blast that they really are the problem even if (as in all families) they will never admit it. If you're being blamed for not being the permanent family holiday restaurant then that is fairly crappy.

Thirdly: Major holidays have become my bane. As you get older and as people either die, go into long term care, or drift away, or change their attitudes, the current holiday becomes a very sad reminder of past happinesses that can't be recaptured in any way.

This situation is a variation of that theme.

Sucks.