Inevitability of fate (Public Board)

by dictum, Tuesday, May 23, 2023, 12:21 (12 days ago) @ Cornpop Sutton

So, suppose you enter the task thinking that the task itself sucks balls and you hate your life

Bullshit. I didn't say that, it's a caricature of my statements.

I have a number of tasks I entered with hope and perseverance and positive attitude and gave them my best. I really did. For example marriage. For example my career. The former became nuclear Chernobyl power plant blast and the latter is a sinking Titanic (which hasn't sank yet but got ice on deck). I really did struggle to keep things afloat as long as possible, thinking "Yes, I can do it". Positive attitude. Fear is the enemy.

Some 20 years ago I followed Mark Twain's dictum, to the effect of "You are going to regret things you never did versus things you did". So I said yes, there is a risk to it but will engage it anyway, and how bad can it get?
Plus if I don't, I will regret not trying it.
Twain was wrong.

And I did give it my best. (Marriage). The fact is, my best wasn't anywhere good enough. The reality of things was, I didn't have the skills to pick the right mate nor the skills to maintain things with the wrong mate. I acutely overestimated myself and underestimated the risks. It's probably the worst decision of my life. Am I responsible? Yes and no. Yes, because I was an adult, but no because I got there through a set of circumstances, all of them beyond my control. My toxic family where talking about anything was a taboo, everything was a lie, a secret, you weren't supposed to talk about how you felt, just living in angry, suppressed silence, with a painted happy face. No positive role models and abuse as a paradigm in relationships. I was totally set up for a failure later in life, especially in the personal relationships trajectory.

I had no choice in the situation of my biological parent disappearing at the age of 3 or the fact that his replacement was emotionally unavailable. My ex was a train wreck from the beginning and our meeting was the start of a nuclear chain reaction. It was inevitable.
I spent almost a decade in a long crazy bitter and expensive custody fight.
My career became a distant second. It was kind of derailed 15 year ago.
The whole thing was predetermined as much as Titanic. There was a book written about the catastrophe. Years before it even occurred. The book even got the name almost right. Titan vs Titanic.

I can talk about the career also but you know how that goes. I haven't sank yet and keep on keeping on. It seems I am the only person still working in IT on this forum. With everyone else having moved on or commiserating, complaining how bad it is. (which it is). This forum is more of a demotivator, which is why actual paid IT consultants at the peak of their career won't join the party.

Yours apparently completely fell apart years ago. And wasn't every good even at its peak. I am not blaming you though. In fact I am saying just the opposite. It's not your fault.

But for personal reasons I really can't move now. Goddamned failing old people I am responsible for continue to live and be feeble and be needy and need my presence.
The point is, I'm making a choice that predetermines other things.

This is exactly the point I am referring to. You made it for me.
Fate, kismet, the pre-determined situation which you now view as a "choice" you are making.
100 other factors outside of your control put you where you are now.
But it's not a bad place. It's just that, what choice? The circumstances have made the choice for you and you are just now playing with the cards fate dealt you. Choice is an illusion.

I Am Lost: I've gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.

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